Hello everyone! I'm so glad to be able to share this with you. I have included the prologue just in case you all need a refresher about Charlie and Asher. I hope you enjoy and I would love to hear what you all think!! Please be kind and remember that this is all unedited, subject to change, and I have all copy rights.
The familiarity of his arms was like a drug. No matter what I was feeling – happy, sad, panicked, flustered, agitated, angry – when his arms wrapped around me, so did peace. I moved my chin up to look at his face. Dark, thick, painfully long lashes dusted across his cheekbones as he slept. Lashes that many women would kill for. And although the lashes were feminine to an extent, when his eyes were open there was no mistaking his masculinity. Eyes the color of slate gray hid behind those lashes, and when he used them to look me over, when he perused my body with them, I could feel the smoothness of the granite they resembled silking over my skin.
His face was beautiful. His strong square jaw left room for one dimple that sat on this left cheek. His unmarred skin was smooth and creamy besides just the few dark freckles that gave him a distinct look. We were both still young, just eighteen, but he was already so manly I shivered to think what he would look like in five or ten years.
I leaned up to press a gentle kiss just at the bottom of his chin and as he roused I pretended to look apologetic, but really I wanted him awake. I wanted him, period.
“Awake already?” His voice rasped, still groggy from sleep. “What time is it?”
“I don't know,” I replied honestly as I trailed kisses along his jaw, following the line of his jaw down the slope of his neck. He pulled away to look at me.
“Charlie,” he said softly to me. “Are you sure? I don't want to hurt you,” he said all too sweetly as he placed his hand on the side of my face.
“I feel fine,” I whispered, trying to convince him I was indeed ok.
“Aren't you, uh, sore?” He asked sheepishly. I grinned at him and shrugged my shoulders.
“Asher, I know I lost my virginity a few hours ago, but I was far from chaste before that. I'm not sore at all.” He gave me a concerned look.
“You'd tell me if you were hurt, right?” I nodded at him. “You'll tell me to stop if it gets to be too much?” I nodded again and then leaned up to press my mouth to his.
“You're already too much,” I said against his lips. “But I get what you mean.” And with that he took me under him and made love to me for the second time in our lives. Loving him was easy and beautiful, and I wish I taken more time to cement the memories in my mind. There was no way to know that in such a short time everything would be taken from me. Everything.
Chapter One
Charlie
I heard the thunk-thunk of
something hitting the ground next to me, but I didn’t look up. I just continued
to draw in my notebook. It wasn't my choice to move to a new town and not
having anyone to spend recess with isn't making my first day at a new school
any easier. The pencil in my hand trailed lead across the paper and I know
eventually it will look like something, but right now it's just lines
and scribbles. All my drawings start out that way. My hand just kind of goes
where the pencil takes it, but it always turns into something.
More thunks. More rocks and
pine cones landed near me and I finally turned my head to see where they are
coming from.
“Hey. New girl.” A boy with red hair and freckles
covering his face stood at the bottom of the hill I am sitting on. His hand went
up over his eyes trying to keep the sun out. “New girl,” he said again.
“Yeah?” I answered.
“What grade are you in?” He
shouted at me.
“Fifth,” I yelled back.
“What's your name?”
“Charlie.”
“Charlie?”
I paused and tried not to
roll my eyes. I had to deal with this my whole life.
“Yes. My name is Charlie and
I'm a girl.”
“That's a pretty stupid
name,” he said through laughter. I turned back to my drawing, not willing to
debate with him about it. I've been dealing with it since I started school. I
never knew why my parents chose a boy's name, but it didn't matter. I was stuck
with it. More gray lines appeared, circling around each other, some darker than
others. Then something bounced painfully off of the back of my head. My hand
reached up to the injury and my head snapped back to look behind me again.
Another rock headed straight for me but I ducked to the side to avoid it.
“Hey!” I yelled at the
red-headed boy who is now taking aim at me again. “That hurt!”
The boy dropped his arm a
little, still grasping the rock in his fist.
“You've got a boy's
name. Can't you take a little pain like
a boy?”
Suddenly another boy came up
behind the redhead and shoved him to the ground.
“What's your problem, Ryan?”
The boy towered over him, fists clenched at his sides. “You can't go throwing
rocks at girls, Dude. You're messed up.” Ryan brushed his hands on his jeans,
trying to free the dirt and pebbles that are stuck to his palms from landing on
the ground.
“I didn't even throw them
that hard and they were small.”
“Doesn't matter. It's
wrong.” The dark haired boy looked over at me, and then back to Ryan. “I think
you should apologize,” he said.
“Give it up, Asher. You're
just sticking up for her because she's got a weird name just like you.” Ryan
stood up, spared one look back at me saying nothing, but then turned away and
walked towards the school building. I still rubbed the small knot that was
forming on the back of my head.
“Are you ok?” Asher asked,
walking up the hill towards me.
“Um, yeah, I think so,” I
said, still trying to rub the pain away.
“Is it your first day?”
“Yeah, I just moved here.”
“Do you want me to take you
to the nurse?”
“No, I'll be ok, but
thanks.” I gave him a small smile and turned back to put my notebook into my
backpack.
“So, you've got a weird name
too?” He asked.
“It's not really a weird
name. It's just not supposed to be a
girl's name.”
“What is it? Bob? Max?”
I laughed. “My name is
Charlie.” He tilted his head to the side, seeming to contemplate what I'd told
him.
“That's not a weird name.
There's another girl who goes here whose name is Casey. That's a boy's name I
guess. It's could be worse; you could be Frank or something.”
I laughed again. “Asher
isn't a weird name, either. I like it.”
“Thanks,” he said as he came
up right next to me. “So, why'd you move to Willow Falls?”
I shrugged my shoulders,
trying not to let on that I didn't really want to talk about it. “I just go
where my dad tells me to.”
“Oh. Are you sure you don't need to go see the nurse?
I don't mind showing you.”
“No, I'm good,” I said with
a small smile.
“Well, I guess I'll see you
around.” He gave a small wave and walked back down the small hill. I continued
to put my things away and the longer I thought about Ryan and the rocks he threw
at me, the more I thought about why I was here in the first place.
Thinking about my mom and
how she died was never fun, but it was something I found myself doing often and
usually a times when it was inconvenient - like now. The tear that fell down my
cheek wasn't because Ryan had thrown rocks at me, but because my mom died. My dad didn't know what else to do, so he
moved me away from my friends I'd had all my life to be closer to my
grandparents. That was the reason for the tears, not Ryan. But I couldn't let
anyone see. I'd never live it down if I was caught crying on the first day at a
new school.
No one would know that every
time I wiped away a tear it was because I pictured my mom laying in a hospital
bed, tubes and wires coming seemingly from every available inch of skin, eyes
closed, chest moving only slightly with each shallow breath. It was not because some idiot didn't like my
name. My shoulders slumped, my backpack came to rest at my side, and I looked
up to the sky trying to calm down enough to go back to class. Deep breaths - one
after another.
I managed to get my emotions
under control and headed back to my classroom. The rest of the day dragged on,
time slowed down by the loneliness of not being around anyone I know. A girl sat in the desk next to me and I
caught her looking in my direction more than once since lunch. My eyes drifted
over to her and again, she looked at me. I pushed my brown, stick-straight hair
over my shoulder, turned my head towards her and gave a faint smile. She smiled
back and just that one moment made the day not totally suck.
I gave my attention back to
the teacher at the front of the room but a few minutes later I felt something
poking my elbow. I looked over and the blonde girl next to me handed me a note.
Taking it from her, I hid it under my desk to unfold it.
Hi! My name is Reeve. Did
you just move here? What's your name?
I looked over at her as she
stared straight ahead at the teacher, convincingly looking like she was
interested in the geography of Africa at the moment. I took a pen out of my bag
and replied to the note and then, when the teacher turned his back to the class
for a moment, tossed it onto her desk.
My name is Charlie. I did
just move here. First day.
I watched her read it and
then she scribbled under my writing and handed it back to me.
How do you like it so
far?
I read her question and
shrugged my shoulders. Then I wondered how I was supposed to write that in the
note.
It's ok, I guess.
When she read my response,
she looked over at me and smiled. She folded the note up and put it in her
backpack. She didn't pay much attention to me for the rest of the day.
When school was over, I
walked out of the building and headed towards the field that sat on the side of
the building.
“Charlie!” I heard my name
and turned around to see Reeve running towards me. “Hey! Where are you going?”
She came to a stop in front of me, her backpack swinging from side to side
behind her with every step.
“Walking home.” Home was
such a weird word to use. I wasn't walking home. Home was hours from here, back
at my old house. I was really walking to the house we'd just moved into, but it
didn’t feel like my home.
“Cool. I walk home too, but
I live that way,” she said as she gestured in the opposite direction. “There's
this place, The Range, it's just a few blocks over. Sometimes after school I go
there to hang out. It's kind of like a coffee shop, but cooler. You can just be
there and hang out with friends. They have some video games and comfy couches
to read on. Anyway, maybe sometime you would want to go with me? It's better
than just going home and doing nothing,” she said with a smile. Before I could
think about it I was smiling back at her.
“Ok, I'll have to ask my dad
first, but I think it will be ok.”
“Great!” Just as Reeve's
smile grew wider, my eyes landed on the boy from earlier, Asher, walking past
us. He saw me too and kind of nodded his head, giving me a very small smile. I
smiled back at him weakly, embarrassed, remembering how we'd met and what he'd
done for me. “Did Asher Carmichael just smile at you?” Reeve looked at his back
as he walked away, but then looked back to me confused.
“Uh, I guess.”
“Oh my gosh, he's so cute.
How do you know him?” My mouth opened to answer, but I looked back at him, no
words coming out yet. Cute? I hadn't noticed. A few of my friends from home had
crushes on boys, but I never understood it. He wasn't ugly, but I wouldn't call
him cute. Puppies were cute.
“I just met him at recess.”
I looked down at my hands that had started fiddling with the hem of my shirt.
“He told another boy to leave me alone.”
“He stuck up for you? Oh,
em, gee. He's so cute. Who was
bothering you?” Her words came out at a million miles per hour, and as she
spoke she used her fingers to twirl her hair around and around. Eventually the
hair got tangled and she had to yank her finger free, but then she'd just start
all over.
“His name was Ryan. He had red hair.”
“Ew. Ryan Miller? He's a
jerk. Don't worry. If Asher told him to leave you alone, he will. Why was he
bothering you?”
“He was making fun of my
name,” I said as I shrugged my shoulders. I didn't tell her about him throwing
rocks at me, that was a little too humiliating.
“What's wrong with your
name?” She asked, truly confused.
“It's a boy's name.”
“Oh, well that's a dumb
reason to make fun of someone. You don't even pick your own name. So he's
really making fun of your parents. What a jerk.”
It was hard to tell for sure
when she was done talking. I waited a second or two before I spoke.
“It's ok. I'm used to it.
Anyway, I'll ask my dad about The Range. Maybe I'll see you tomorrow?”
“Definitely. I sit right
next to you, so it would be hard not to see me.” She smiled, then blinked,
staring at me.
“Ok, well, I'll see you
tomorrow, then.”
“Ok, bye!” Reeve turned
around and bounced towards the other side of the school. I watched her for a
few seconds still a little dizzy from her rapid talking. I finally turned and
continued towards the break in the fence that went around the school that would
let me out onto the street of my new house.
The field was probably meant to be used for
sports like soccer or football, but here were no goals or bleachers on the
sidelines, just grass. There was a trail that went around the field. The trail
was made of bark dust and looked like it might be used for running. There was
only one cut-through in the fence along this side of the property. The fence
backed up against a row of houses, some of which you could see into the
backyards. Most of them had big bushes that made it hard to see anything
besides the roofs. The cut-through was lined by trees and covered in gravel. It
was only about fifty feet long, but it felt like an tunnel. Once you were
inside it, you couldn’t see out of it, except for the two entrances. Treetops canopied the walkway and tall shrubs
on either side boxed you in.
Once you came out the other
side, you were just plopped right into a neighborhood. You could either go left
or right. My new house, if I remembered, was on the left. I took the turn and
noticed that Asher was walking ahead of me, about a half block up the street. I
watched him as he came to a stop in front of my house, looking up at the blue
two-story house my dad had bought without even seeing it. My grandparents lived
in Willow Brook, so they had been able to check it out for him, but still, it
was a little crazy. Asher only stood there for a few seconds and then continued
down the street, turning right at the end of the block continuing on the
sidewalk. Maybe he had known the family who lived in the house before us and
missed whoever had been there. That made me think about my friends back home,
and I wondered if they were missing me. Maybe Dad would let me use his cell
phone to call Lucy after dinner.
The house was empty when I
opened the door - empty of everything. Hardly anything was unpacked so there
were no pictures hanging on the wall, no dishes in the cupboards, but even more
disturbing to me was how empty the house was of any feeling. I was so used to
my old house; it held all my memories. So many memories. I remembered baking
cookies with my mom, rolling out sugar cookie dough on the island that sat in
the middle of the kitchen. I remembered her flattening the dough with the
rolling pin, blowing her brown hair out of her face, smiling at me, pretending
not to see me sneaking pieces of dough into my mouth. This new kitchen meant
nothing to me, held no memories. I'll never hear my mother's laugh in this
kitchen or play monopoly with Lucy.
I turned from the empty room
and went up the stairs to my bedroom which, thankfully, was at least partly put
together. My dad had been sure to get to my room first. I collapsed on my bed
and must have fallen asleep because the next thing I heard was the doorbell
ringing. At least, I assumed it was the doorbell. My old house's doorbell rang
once, a single chime. This doorbell went on forever and sounded like a grandfather
clock. It rang the entire time I walked to the front door. I was so irritated
by the obnoxious bells that I swung the door open with more force than
necessary. I was surprised to see Asher standing on the other side.
“Oh, hi,” I said, caught off
guard by the sight of him on the porch.
“Hi. My mom made these and
asked me to bring them over. She wanted to welcome you to the neighborhood.”
I looked down at the plate
he handed me and tried really hard not to let it show on my faced how upsetting
it was to get a plate of homemade cookies from his mother. I took them and thanked
him, manners always won out.
“Did you know the family
that lived here before me?” I asked him, trying to get my mind off the fact
that he had a mother who made cookies and how unfair it suddenly seemed.
“Yeah, my best friend Trace
lived here. His Dad's job transferred him all the way to Minnesota so they
moved. My mom said that maybe someday I could go and visit him over summer
vacation.”
“That sucks that he moved,
but it's cool that your mom would let you go see him,” I offered.
“Yeah,” he said but then
paused. “Is your head ok? You know, from earlier?” My hand automatically moved
to rub the small bump that had formed where the rock hit me.
“Yeah, it's no big deal.
Thanks again for stopping him.”
“I saw you made friends with
Reeve.” I shrugged.
“She seems nice. She talks a
lot.” He laughed at my comment.
“That she does. But you get
use to her, I guess.” He rocked back and forth on his heels a few times and I
stood there, not really sure what else there was to say. “Well, I walk to
school every morning so if you want, you can walk with me.”
“Ok, maybe I'll see you in
the morning.”
“Ok, see ya later.” He
turned and walked down the porch and I closed the door.
The next morning I waited in
the front family room, peeking out of the window, until I saw Asher pass my
house. As he walked by, I saw him look over towards my door. I could tell he
was contemplating waiting for me or just continuing on his way. I breathed a sigh
of relief when I saw him continue walking. After the way he saved me yesterday,
the cookies, and the way he seemed to be too nice, I just couldn't bring myself
to walk to school with him. I didn't want him feeling like he was obligated to
be nice to me. I didn't want anyone feeling like they were obligated to me in
any way. At that moment, I mostly just wanted to blend into the background and
forget everything that had happened to me.
I kept my head down at
school, sat with my drawing pad during lunch and recess, trying to let my
pencil occupy my thoughts instead of the fact that even though I was lonely, I
didn't want to befriend anyone. I walked across the field on my way home when
Reeve came running up behind me.
“Charlie!” I turned to see
her and she had a big smile on her face. “Hey, do you want to go to The Range
with me today?”
“Uh,” I hesitated. “I didn't
get a chance to ask my dad yesterday. He's expecting me home.” I said as I
gestured towards the alley.
“Ok, well, let's walk to
your house and ask your dad then.” She
started walking with a determined gait. We walked to my house together and
there was not even one moment for me to get a word in. She talked the entire
time, filling me in on all the kids in our class, what had happened on the
latest episode of the television show she was watching, and how she had gotten
a great deal on a new pair of jeans at a trendy store in the next town over.
Her rate of speech was baffling and also comforting because I didn't have to
say anything.
We went into my house and I
called my dad, who agreed I could go with Reeve as long as I was home for
dinner. He sounded excited and relieved that I had made a friend, and he probably
would have let me leave the country with her if he thought it would have made
me happy. I put my book bag on the counter and we left, walking back the way we
had came. Halfway across the field Reeve caught me off guard by asking me a
question.
“So, what does your dad do?”
The silence that came when she paused for my answer was strange. I appreciated
her incessant talking.
“He works in construction.”
“Like, building houses and
stuff?”
“Yeah, mostly. Offices.
Anything really.”
“That's cool. What does your
mom do?”
And there it was. The moment
I dreaded with every person I encountered - having to talk about my mom.
“Nothing. She died.” Reeve
stopped walking and her mouth gaped open. I couldn't look her in the eye, so I
stared at the ground, hoping she'd recover quickly and continue talking about
unimportant, distracting things like she had the entire way up until now.
“She died?” I nodded
my head, not saying a word. “How?”
“Cancer.”
“I can't imagine not having
a mom,” Reeve said quietly as she started walking slowly.
“Me either.”
The Range was actually a
pretty cool place; there was nothing like it back home that I had ever seen. It
was part coffee shop and cafe, part arcade, part pseudo-library where the no
talking rules were lifted. There were board games, video games, books, a few
computers to use the internet, couches, bean bag chairs, there was even a hammock
in the corner of the reading area. There were mostly younger kids there,
sixteen and under, it looked like. Obviously, once kids got their driver's license
they found cooler places to hang out.
Reeve led me to where the
counter was and we both ordered a soda. Reeve then headed towards a table where
a few girls sat. I hesitated, nervous about sitting with a bunch of girls I
didn't know. I missed Lucy immediately. Reeve sat down and motioned to the
chair next to her. I sat down and tried to smile without looking like I was in
pain.
“Guys, this is Charlie. She
just moved here,” Reeve said excitedly. I gave a small wave to match my small
smile.
“Hey, Charlie. Where'd you
move from?” A blonde girl across the table asked.
“A town about five hours
from here. Bridgeport.”
“Never heard of it. I'm
Celia, by the way,” the blonde girl responded.
“It's a small town,” I said
quietly. The girls continued to talk amongst themselves, and every once in a
while Reeve would try to involve me in the conversation. I appreciated her
attempt at making me feel comfortable, but I was still the new kid and it had
always been hard for me to open up to new people. Especially now. The more I
talked with these girls, the more they would want to know about me, and the
more I would have to tell them. No thanks. I'd rather keep it all inside if I
could.
“How long have you been
growing your hair out?” Celia asked at one point. I absentmindedly reached for
my hair which, if left down, hung well past my hips. It was thick, long, brown,
and very straight.
“Besides small trims, I've
never cut it. My mom would never let me.” I felt my own heart speed up at the
mention of my mom, hoping the girls wouldn't ask me anything else that would
make me talk about her any more. Reeve caught my eye and must have noticed my
unease.
“Isn't it pretty? Rachel,
weren't you going to ask your mom if you could dye yours blonde? Summer's
coming and blonde would be a really good color on you. Is anyone doing anything
fun for summer vacation?” And just like that, with words spilling out of her
mouth, words meant to save me a little bit of discomfort, I thought maybe I had
made a true friend. All the girls took turns talking about their plans for
summer and I, for the first time in weeks, had a genuine smile on my face.
After we were there for a
little over an hour I noticed a few boys walk in, Asher being one of them.
Reeve immediately looked over to the group of four boys and turned to whisper
to the girls at the table.
“Asher saved Charlie from
Ryan yesterday at recess. He was bullying her and Asher made him stop.”
“Shut. Up.” Celia looked at
me with interest. I shrugged.
“He didn't save me.
It wasn't that big of a deal.”
“She keeps saying that,”
Reeve said with a confused look on her face. “Charlie, if Asher made Ryan leave
you alone, it's a big deal. He's so cute.”
I laughed - a true laugh.
“And you keep saying that.
What does that mean anyway? How is he cute?” I looked over at him and he looked
like any other boy.
“I don't know. It's his eyes
I think. And those cute dark freckles he has. Who has freckles like that? No
one.”
I took a closer look at him.
Ok, Reeve was right about the freckles. They were unique anyway. Not the usual
light brown color of freckles, but a dark brown. And they looked bigger than
normal freckles, too. Instead of a lot of small ones, he had fewer larger ones.
It was distinctive.
“Reeve, you're boy crazy,”
Celia said. Reeve just smiled. Asher walked past us and nodded at the girls at
the table. Then his eyes turned to me.
“Hey Charlie.”
“Hey Asher,” I responded,
desperately wanting him to walk away.
“I didn't see you on the way
to school today. Should I wait for you tomorrow?”
“Yes!” Reeve practically
shouted. Asher looked at her briefly, then back to me.
“Should I wait?” My earlier
appreciation for Reeve having saved me from talking about my mom quickly
dissolved and was replaced with irritation for putting me in this, almost
worse, situation. How could I say no now?
“Uh, yeah, sorry about this
morning. I was running late.” He smiled widely, a dimple appearing on his left
cheek.
“No problem. I'll see you in the morning.” He walked back
to where his friends waited.
“He wants to walk to school
with you?” Reeve asked, eyes almost bugging out of her head.
“I'm sure his mom is making
him; she made him bring over cookies yesterday afternoon.”
“Oh my gosh. He's so cute,”
Reeve repeated. Luckily the conversation moved on to something else.
The next morning, like I
knew he would, Asher waited for me at the bottom of my driveway.
“Hey Charlie,” he said with
a smile as I approached.
“Hey,” I said, looking at
the ground for a moment to gain some courage. “Listen, you don't have to walk
to school with me. I know your mom is probably making you walk with me. It's
fine.” I paused, waiting for him to respond. The seconds it took for him to
speak were very heavy and filled with my rapid heartbeat.
“My mom isn't making me walk
to school with you, Charlie. Can't I just want to walk to school with
you?”
I shrugged.
“Hey,” he said as he
crouched down to get me to look at him. “What does this mean?” He shrugged his
shoulders at me in an exaggerated way. I exhaled loudly and turned to start
walking towards the school.
“I guess I just don't
understand why you would want to walk with me.”
“My best friend just moved
away and I use to walk to school with him every day. I guess I just thought
maybe you were looking for a new friend as much as I was. I'm sorry.”
Regret and shame washed over
me. It hadn't occurred to me that he might have needed someone to be there for
him. I was too wrapped up in my own unhappiness to even consider that perhaps,
the boy who lost his friend as well, might have needed me to be his friend.
“No, I'm sorry, Asher. I'm
not good at meeting new people and making friends. I've never had to. I lived
in my old house since the day I was born. My friends back home have been my
friends since I was born. I've never had to make new ones. I'd really like it
if we could walk to school together.” I looked over at him, hoping the sad look
was gone from his face. I was rewarded with a dimpled smile.
“Great. I hate walking
alone.”
Asher and I walked to school
nearly every day until, finally, we were old enough to drive.
